


You've Got to be Kitten Me

by Robin Hood (kjack89)



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Alternate Universe, Animal Transformation, Crack Treated Seriously, Established Relationship, Feels, Light Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-27
Updated: 2017-09-27
Packaged: 2019-01-06 03:37:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,787
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12203127
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kjack89/pseuds/Robin%20Hood
Summary: “C’mon, sleepyhead,” Carisi crooned. “Open those beautiful green eyes for me, sweetheart.”Sweetheart?Barba wanted to protest, but instead, the word came out an indignant “Meow”.What the—





	You've Got to be Kitten Me

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Every Dog Has Its Day](https://archiveofourown.org/works/10989645) by [Robin Hood (kjack89)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kjack89/pseuds/Robin%20Hood). 



> Since I posted the [Carisi as an actual dog animal transformation fic](http://archiveofourown.org/works/10989645) on the day of the season 18 finale, I figured writing the inverse would be a nice way to bookend the hiatus.
> 
> This isn't _quite_ what I had planned, but...
> 
> Title is courtesy of the phenomenal AHumanFemale, who claims she was joking, but I'm never one to pass up a good pun.
> 
> Usual disclaimer. Please be kind and tip your fanfic writers in the form of comments and/or kudos!

“Hey, Rafi.” Carisi’s voice was low in Barba’s ear and Barba felt a flicker of irritation fork down his spine. He didn’t want to get up, didn’t want to face the day, and certainly didn’t want to face Carisi. Not after the night before, and the fight he had purposefully picked in an effort to preempt the blow he was set to deliver today.

He was going to end things with Carisi.

It hadn’t been an easy decision to come to, but Barba knew that it was necessary. Carisi was getting too serious, too quickly, even though he had promised that first night when Barba had somewhat reluctantly asked him to come home with him that he knew it was just a colleagues with benefits thing.

And it wasn’t that Barba didn’t want something serious, especially with Carisi, who was everything Barba had never quite been willing to admit he wanted. But Carisi deserved someone who was younger and warmer and frankly _better_ than Barba could ever hope to be, especially when it came to serious.

Which meant that it was up to Barba to do what Carisi couldn’t do for himself.

“C’mon, sleepyhead,” Carisi crooned. “Open those beautiful green eyes for me, sweetheart.”

 _Sweetheart?_ Barba wanted to protest, but instead, the word came out an indignant “Meow”.

 _What the_ —

Barba opened his eyes and looked around, flinching back when he saw how close Carisi was to him, and how strangely large Carisi looked. Carisi’s smile faltered slightly. “You ok, babe?” he asked, reaching out to gently rub Barba’s cheek, and Barba’s whiskers twitched.

Whiskers.

Barba had whiskers.

Barba let out a string of obscenities that somehow came out as a strangled yowling sound and he leapt to his feet. Or tried to, anyway, though his feet — _paws_ , his mind stubbornly supplied, despite his increasingly desperate attempts at denial —scrabbled against the smooth sheets until his claws — Christ, he had _claws_ , and not just the metaphoric type — found their purchase against the fabric.

Carisi laughed. “Sorry you woke up on the wrong side of the bed,” he said, stroking Barba’s head between his ears. “C’mon, I made breakfast.”

He slid off the bed and looked at Barba expectantly, and Barba just stared back at him, trying to wrap his mind around what was happening.

He was a cat, somehow, but Carisi didn’t seem surprised by that. As if Barba had always been a cat, and he had a weird moment of panic like he may have been a cat all along and just never realized it?

That made absolutely no sense, and Barba realized he must be caffeine-deprived.

Not that cats drank caffeine.

Oh, God. Barba was a _cat_.

Before he could properly freak out, Carisi scooped him off the bed and cradled him against his chest. “What’s wrong with you today?” Carisi asked, and Barba wished he knew. Because then maybe he could explain why he was a cat, and perhaps more importantly, why Carisi seemed to think that was normal.

Then again, as Carisi deposited him on the kitchen table in a particularly undignified heap, Barba had the wild and somewhat sour thought that maybe this was some kind of _It’s a Wonderful Life_ scenario, where Rafael Barba the ADA never existed (and Rafael, the cat, apparently somehow did).

For some reason, the thought calmed him.

Or at least, calmed him enough for him to look around and take full stock of his surroundings. Carisi’s apartment looked different from his position on the kitchen table (Barba refused to think about the last time he was on this table, his legs wrapped around Carisi’s waist as — nope, that was a thought for a very different time, when Barba wasn’t still half-panicked at the realization that he was now a feline, with no clue how to return to being human), but Barba immediately noticed a few things out of place.

For one, Carisi’s old Bar prep books were scattered around, one propped open on the table in front of him, a highlighter resting in the center as if Carisi had been up the night before going over it. Since Carisi had passed the Bar over a year ago now, Barba had to assume that in this alternate world, Carisi hadn’t passed on his first attempt.

Barba would be lying if he said he didn’t arch his back, just a little, to preen at the thought that it was his help that had made the difference.

And judging by the suit hanging on the back of Carisi’s door, clearly just returned from the dry cleaners and also clearly at least a size if not two too big, Barba’s influence on Carisi’s wardrobe couldn’t be underestimated either.

Barba actually purred at that thought.

Carisi glanced over his shoulder, flipping bacon in a pan on the stove, giving Barba the cat the same crooked grin he normally reserved for Barba the person. “That’s the sound I like to hear,” he said teasingly.

Barba’s purr came to an abrupt end as he stared at Carisi, watching him as he moved with ease throughout the kitchen, every movement hauntingly familiar. Even the sight of Carisi’s faded Fordham Law shirt caused something in Barba to ache. If this was some kind of _It’s a Wonderful Life_ meets _The Shaggy Dog_ situation, he was supposed to learn some kind of life lesson in order to turn back, wasn't he?

So was this what he was supposed to realize? That even though Carisi _probably_ wouldn’t be better off without him entirely, if the Bar books and ill-fitting suit told the story Barba assumed they did, that he’d still be ok? That he’d still hum off-key under his breath while making bacon in the morning? That he’d still be the same warm, loving person?

Because that wasn’t exactly news to Barba.

It’s why he had wanted to end this in the first place.

“Where’d that purr go?” Carisi asked, sitting down at the table and reaching out to pet Barba’s fur. “You want some bacon?”

As if Barba was going to say no to bacon, no matter what form he was in.

While Barba thoughtfully gnawed on the piece of bacon, he wondered vaguely what else was different in this world where he was no more than a cat. Luckily, he didn’t have to wonder for long, since he hadn’t even managed to eat half of the slice of bacon Carisi had given him when the intercom went off, the noise far too loud and grating for Barba’s much more sensitive cat ears.

Carisi groaned and made a face at Barba. “I forgot Amanda was coming over today,” he sighed before standing and slumping over to the intercom to buzz her in.

Though Carisi’s reaction to Amanda was certainly new, Barba had a feeling that something must’ve happened in this universe to prompt it, and his ears pricked up as Amanda let herself into Carisi’s apartment without knocking. She didn’t even give Barba a second glance as she gave Carisi a hug, but frankly that wasn’t much different than normal. “How’re you doin’?” Amanda asked when she pulled far enough away from Carisi to study his expression.

Carisi just rolled his eyes. “I’m fine,” he said, though he conspicuously didn’t quite meet Amanda’s eyes as he said it. “You want some bacon? I made extra.”

Something tightened in Amanda’s expression and Barba sympathized as he licked bacon grease off his paws. He also recognized when Carisi was being evasive, but since Amanda was currently better equipped to handle it than him, he settled for watching carefully as Amanda sat down at the table. “Calhoun’s asking after you,” she said, and Barba’s tail twitched. Rita? Why would she be—

“You’d think as ADA she’d have better things to worry about,” Carisi commented mildly, and Barba’s tail twitches escalated into a thrash. He was a _cat_ and _Rita_ was the ADA, probably sitting in his office and drinking his scotch, and—

“And yet I’m sure your little crush on her is happy to hear that,” Amanda said with a smirk.

And stealing Barba’s boyfriend, apparently.

Barba managed to contain his hiss, but only because he wanted to hear what Carisi had to say for himself. Carisi rolled his eyes again, his cheeks tinged pink as he set a plate with bacon, eggs and toast in front of Amanda. “How many times do I gotta tell you that I _don’t_ have a crush on Rita?” he asked wryly.

Since Barba had heard that before, he didn’t quite believe Carisi, especially since he was well-aware that Carisi’s type was hot, older lawyers. Given the look on Amanda’s face, she didn’t quite believe him either. “I’m serious,” Carisi said, rolling his eyes again. “I mean, I admire her, yeah, and I think she’s crazy smart and ridiculously good at her job, but I don’t _want_ her, you know? It’s not like that.”

It was perhaps pathetic of him, seeing as how he was somehow a cat in this universe and had been planning on breaking up with Carisi anyway, but the knowledge that Carisi’s thing for Barba wasn’t _just_ because of his position or courtroom skills made Barba purr again.

Amanda glanced over at the sound, making a face when she saw Barba. “You still have that stupid cat?” she asked, and Barba’s ears flattened against his head. “Carisi, you’re allergic. That damn cat’s gonna end up being the death of you.”

“That damn cat is wonderful and the reason why they make allergy medicine,” Carisi shot back, smoothing a soothing hand down Barba’s spine. “That damn cat needs me, ok? And besides, I love him. Isn’t that right, Rafi?”

Though Amanda just rolled her eyes, Barba felt Carisi’s simple declaration hit him like a ton of bricks.

Oh.

 _Oh_.

It was all a metaphor, wasn’t it? Some grand gesture from the universe to make it clear to him: he was killing Sonny by staying with him, whether from being too old or too acerbic or too unloving. And what the universe wanted to make clear to him was that Sonny would absolutely and without hesitation let him.

And all because he thought Barba needed him.

Barba felt his heart beating hollowly in his ribcage, the realization ringing so loudly in his head that he almost missed Amanda saying quietly, “We really miss you at the precinct, you know. Even Fin.”

But Barba would never be able to miss the way that Carisi’s shoulders tensed, or the way he looked away. “Yeah, well,” he said, suddenly uncomfortable. “I’ll be back before you know it.”

Amanda’s expression softened. “I know that Liv putting you on mandatory leave after what happened with the Cole shooting seemed unfair at the time, but you said the therapy’s been helping, right?” Carisi just shrugged, still not looking at her, and Amanda sighed. “Dr. Lindstrom will clear you to come back to work when he thinks you’re ready. Don’t try to force it, Sonny.”

“I’m not,” he said softly, reaching out to once again stroke Barba’s back, the touch gentle, almost as if he was soothing himself as much as Barba. “I know it’ll take time. I just wanna get back to helping people.”

“If you want to help people, you have to help yourself first,” Amanda said firmly, before looking at the clock and sighing. “I’ve got to get to work. You ok here?”

Carisi forced a smile on his face. “Of course,” he said easily. “I’ve got Rafi, after all. C’mon, I’ll walk you out.”

Barba’s head was spinning, and he sat down, his tail curling automatically around his paws as he stared unseeingly at Carisi as he walked Amanda to the door and into the apartment building hallway beyond.

The Cole shooting.

His own memories of the day were vague, up until the frantic phone call he’d gotten from Amanda, the only one at SVU at the time who knew about him and Carisi, and only because she’d walked into the precinct late one night to see Barba kiss Carisi almost chastely. But not chastely enough for her to not draw her own conclusions.

She had called to tell him the barest details of what happened and to give him the anxious warning that Carisi was on his way to see him. Barba hadn’t even hesitated when Carisi had knocked on his office door, had simply pulled him into his arms and held him, relieved beyond any words he knew to feel Carisi’s heart beating steadily in his chest.

He had held Sonny in his arms, warm and solid and _alive_ , and he had kissed him, and he had told him, simply, “I love you.”

That night had been the first time that Barba told Carisi he loved him. Because the thought of losing him was unbearable.

Just as he had held Carisi every time he had a nightmare or, even worse, couldn't sleep at all, his mind replaying his brush with death (Barba's mind replaying it too, made all the worse because he hadn't been there and could make it much worse in his own mind than it had been in reality). Because he would do anything to help Carisi feel safe and whole again, if only for the very selfish reason that he needed to feel the same.

Barba had never imagined such simple acts, done more for his own benefit than Carisi’s, could’ve had such an impact on Carisi.

He had never imagined that _he_ had made such an impact on Carisi.

For the first time, Barba realized that maybe Carisi wasn’t better off without him.

When Carisi returned to his apartment, he rolled his eyes with fond exasperation as he told Barba, “Ignore Amanda. She’s a dog person. She doesn’t get it.” He crossed to the kitchen table and picked Barba up, cuddling him against his chest as he added seriously, “She may not get it, but I need you. Probably more than you need me.”

Amanda didn’t get it. And apparently, neither did Barba until that moment. He had assumed this entire time that Carisi put up with him simply because he was a good man, and loyal, and stubborn as a mule, even when — or especially when — he was wrong. Frankly, Carisi was all those things, and Barba loved him for it, but he loved him all the more for the parts of Carisi that were jagged, and dark, and vulnerable.

Barba needed Sonny.

And he had never before realized just how much Sonny needed him.

So he closed his eyes and he let Carisi press him closer against his chest. Sonny needed him and in this universe or the next, in this form or another, Barba would do his best to be there for him. For whatever he needed, for as long as he needed.

Because he loved Sonny.

When he opened his eyes again, it was with a start as he woke up, Carisi’s bed firm underneath his decidedly human body, Carisi’s arm slung across his waist, his breath warm against the nape of Barba’s neck.

A dream.

It had all been a dream.

Barba stared into the darkness of Carisi’s bedroom, blinking back what felt an awful lot like tears. It had felt so _real_ , so much so that there was a not insignificant part of himself breathing in desperate relief that it was over, that he was human again.

But the other part of him was glad he had figured it out.

Even if turning into a cat was what it took.

Carisi groaned softly when Barba shifted against him, automatically pulling Barba back against his chest. “Five more minutes,” he muttered, nuzzling against Barba’s neck.

Barba couldn’t quite stop his fond smile as he rolled over to look at the man he loved, the man he wanted, the man he needed. Then and always. He leaned in to kiss Carisi. “I love you,” he whispered, his lips moving lightly against Carisi’s.

Carisi opened his eyes to squint at him. “I love you, too,” he said before asking, “Bad dream?”

Barba just shrugged. “I had a dream, yes,” he said softly. “I don’t know if it was bad or not.”

Carisi considered that for a moment before yawning. “I expect you’ll tell me all about it tomorrow, after we finish whatever we were fighting about tonight,” he murmured sleepily, drawing Barba in to kiss his forehead. “Go back to sleep. I’ve got you.”

“I know,” Barba said.

He did.

He always had and always would feel safe in Carisi’s arms. And he had all the reasons in the world now to assure Carisi that he should feel safe in his.

“I’ve got you, too.”


End file.
